She

I happened to talk to her last week as well... I don't really remember what we were arguing and chatting... I only remember that she was pretty down! That's all I remembered for the conversation we had.

Oh yeah... I found out more about her... She is a Christian... yeah... she was talking about the Church she went to join on Sunday! She said she had heard a very good sermon...

One more thing we chatted... its about being forgotten... She said there were people who kept saying... in the long run, people tend to forget the ones who went away. She didn't agree on that... and she said nobody really forgets. Its just that people didn't mention them in their conversations. Because, just by mentioning the name, all the memories just flew back in. She insisted that nobody really forgets. I agree to some point as well... And I argued her back that for a forgetful person, the person can't help it. But what she argued me back is that... even the forgetful person, the memories come back as soon as the small connection of actions or phrases or things.

Whew..... let her be... :P

Gloomy Her

Wow... Its nearly a year again! I rarely came online so I haven't met her at all... And its been a year long to not posting here anything. What have I been busying with... I can't name at all... Okay, its better to talk about her as I don't have anything to talk about myself.

That's what she said, "Thank God! You are online!" I was surprised to see her message. Then I asked her what was that about and she said she had been looking for me online to talk about her and she said to be precised she got a lot to complain. So, I replied her that I was ready to listen to her. Then she just started typing. She complained a lot about her life, her thoughts, and her work and so on. What she complained most is about her feelings and her ways of looking at things. And she mentioned that her depression was totally different from the others. She also mentioned that her adaptability level was totally different from others. And she also talked about an argument between her peers. What they argued was about the adaptability. The adaptability she talked about was in a situation like in a classroom, the opinion that all the students shared, she could just accept the opinion. She might mentioned her disagreement but she won't deny that opinion. But some students/people were not like that. That's the adaptability she talked about. But her peers said that was not called the adaptability, they said the adaptability was how you deal with the environment which in this case was students in the classroom. And she agreed to that point but she still told to her peers that the adaptability that she wanted to say was the idea/mind that you could accept to a certain point. Yet, they didn't come to a consensus! Hmm... When I think about this again, I think both of their idea are correct for me. Dilemma huh?

What else she complained to me about? Yeah, the depression... She said everyone got depression once in a while. At first, she doesn't agree to it. But later, she found out herself that, everybody was different from handling their depression. Like her, whenever she is depressed, she likes to sleep a lot, and doesn't want to do anything, and sometimes, she just keeps dragging the time. She said that's what she thought her depression was. I told her that it was different from each other. And we stopped our chat as I had to go out later that day! Hope she is back to normal. That's the gloomy her!

Her thoughts

Its been a long long time! I didn't have a chance to chat with her! Today, I met her and we tried to catch up with our lives. And today, she talked a lot about her thoughts and her feelings. She mentioned about her friends and her everyday life. And after some time, she asked me whether she was disturbing me or not. So, I told her she was not a bother to me at all and I was happy to talk with her. That gives me an uneasy feeling so I asked her what is bothering her. What she said to me back was..... Whenever she talked with others, sometimes she got this feeling that she disturbed others. And she doesn't feel good about that. Moreover, she talked about her thoughts and how those thoughts are different from others (her family). Then, there is another thing she talks about, it is about discrimination! Most Asian were being treated unfair even in Asian countries. She kept talking about how much she disliked the unfair treatment to people. Another thing that she mentioned is taking advantage of others, she mentioned that everyone is doing that in many different ways..... but there is a limit and there are times, places that we, people, are not allowed or restrain ourselves from doing that. But some people didn't even bother to think about that. In the end, she said she might be the crazy one to think of all that and let it bother her. I just listened to her and didn't give her any response... I wonder what is happening to her thoughts now.....

Busy Her!!!

I didn't talk to her for a long long time! But last Friday I talked to her and she was super busy! She is continuing her study for 5 months already... and she went to join youth trainings too... one is about Peace and one is about Human Rights!!! Oh yeah... I found out more about her she is a Catholic Christian. The program about Peace had many religions especially all Christians and other religions! Many participant from Asia Pacific! She said she enjoyed being there... (i don't think she is happy though how can i tell huh? I am not her!) And she said she got a lot of ideas and knowledge from that program! She told me about the exposures, about homeless, the unity, sharing and caring and mostly about working together as youth group! And she told me that it would be very good if our people are like that! And the another one, about Human Rights, she enjoyed that one too and she found out there are a lot and a lot of capable people in our people... but there was one thing that is lack of! And she can't find the answer to make it right as well... And moreover, i felt something from her that she is depressed about that and she would not even want to continue doing what she believes in! But she said this too... "there are a lot things that can be done! And I am not the only one who feels like that! So just doing what I believe in and do my best!" (the feeling i got from her might be wrong!!! about depressed ok? nothing else ;) ) Well... that's the latest update from her. Talking with her made me think a lot and remind of myself what to do and how to do! Yeah nice talking with her!!!

Dilemma

imm....

just another thought...

she said tht she is in dilemma...
its funny the way she is in her relationship.
like others said... too much thinking...
but listening to her... the facts that she said made sense too...

before moving on to the next step... we need to think carefully and make sure everyone is happy about that...

yeah... dilemma...
she said she wanted to be in the deep relationship and she also said she didn't want coz of the consequences, things she has to fullfill, debt she has to repay, responsible she has to take care of... a lot and a lot... listening to her, she drags me to that dilemma too...

i suggests her tht just enjoy her life day by day...
i have my dilemma as well...
well... yeah... thts the true nature of the archer...

new way her!

Looking at her every time, it's very rare to see her in girly clothes. But there were times she could be seen in girly clothes. I noticed that she didn't wear skirts at all. All I have seen her was with jean pants and T-shirts and shirts. When I first saw her, I thought she was a "he". Having a short hair and always wearing a cap with jeans and shirts and one more thing is having a backpack! Looking her from the back no one would know that she is a girl. But now, she got a long hair, the hair length is a little bit over her shoulder. Now, I don't think others will take her as a boy anymore! Well, she has long hair and I saw her wearing skirt and blouse… She looks nice and her friends said so but I still can't figure why she doesn't like to wear girl clothes at all. Whenever, I asked her about not wearing girly clothes, she told me that she can't breathe well while she was in the girly clothes. Weird huh?

When I saw her with jeans and shirt, I could tell that she was full of confidence. She is herself no awkwardness at all… But when I saw her with girly clothes, she is not herself and I could find her confidence at all and more I felt the awkwardness… It's only sometimes coz she only wears girly clothes once in a blue moon. Oh right, I teased her that if she found her love she will definitely change. And she told me that its impossible coz even her mother persuaded to change her style and she didn't change it… She is changing a bit now so I better think of ways to tease her when I meet her… cool… :D

06/10/07

Another milestone

This is her another milestone!!! I was looking at her and she looked so content and happy(of course in the photos :D )... I remembered she told me about the day that their whole group took photo... She told me that..... at that day, she was a bit late and she yelled at her friends those who were the same faculty... She managed herself later... She told me that may be that's is called excitement. Coz I asked her whether she was excited or not! She couldn't answer to me... But when she told me everything about that day, I took that situation as an excitement..... According to what she said, on that day, she made a lot of scene... Like she did some crazy things and she said some crazy words... and crazy moves too...

01/24/07